broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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