had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
