who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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