Your tits are I can't wait for
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
