I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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