Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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