Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
