She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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