i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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