We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
