The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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