Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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