The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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