my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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