you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
