I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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