"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
