I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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