omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
