we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
