Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
