They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
