you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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