I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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