The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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