when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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