i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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