I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
