So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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