If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
