a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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