I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
