Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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