I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
