My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
