You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
