my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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