I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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