Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
