i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
