i already hear my dad disowning me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh god it's open bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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