I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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