he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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