Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
