I love how my cats smell like pot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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