Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
