I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
