A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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