Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
