I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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