Jerry, you need to find god
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
