did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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