Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize