she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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