Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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