im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
