nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
