I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bring me that man meat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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