Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
