he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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