The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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