Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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