hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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