seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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