i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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