there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
