FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
