uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
