My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
