Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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