Non-Jews are for practice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
