Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
