how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
