he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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