Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
