It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I FOUND THE LEGS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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